I woke up this morning feeling a little more energetic than usual. My Granny’s passing knocked the wind out of me, and 11 days later, I’m still recovering from the loss. But today I decided to order a double shot of espresso and meal prep for the week. I hadn’t felt this energetic since Phoenix; I knew I needed to take advantage of what little energy I had.
This weekend we didn’t commit to much. We agreed weeks ago to watch Remi for our friends and to meet Shawn for lunch on Saturday. Otherwise, we cleaned the house, went shopping and basically chilled. I found a new purse at Target to preserve the other one my Granny gave me. I slept in, read, and cooked. And now here I am, blogging as it becomes dark early on this chilly Sunday evening.
The highlight of my weekend was getting my hair done and watching Baby Driver with Keegan. I also enjoyed making pancakes with the last bit of buttermilk in the fridge. I baked some turkey cutlets and prepped smoothies for the week. And we’re watching the Secret Life of Henrietta Lacks tonight on HBO.
I still feel weird without my Granny here, but it seems I alternate between a deep depressive state and flat-out denial. I try to think of things to do that would make her proud of me. Kind of like those What Would Jesus Do bracelets, but rather, What Would Granny Do. Perhaps this will make me a better person in the long-run.
My Dad and I talked for an hour and forty minutes on the phone Wednesday evening, which I desperately needed. He said something about “going to Mama’s house” at one point, and for a split second, I thought she was still alive. It just didn’t settle right with me. And don’t even get me started on my dreams.
First I dreamed I found a turtle in the road with a baby turtle on it’s back and a few additional baby turtles in the road close to the mom. A car was coming towards them with it’s lights on, and I stood in front of the car to protect the turtles. In another dream, my mom was stuck in the upside-down, and no one could hear her in the radio but me. This Stranger Things themed dream was mixed with elements from my drowning nightmare, such as someone driving me towards the flood and me begging them to turn around. We sped through the waters and hydroplaned over the bridge, landing in 2+ feet of snow. I crawled my way out of the car towards the house where I found myself fully clothed and submerged in a tub of water. Needless to say, it was weird.
Overall it’s been an uneventful weekend in the best way I could’ve imagined. I’ve enjoyed sleeping in, taking care of myself and being as lazy as humanely possible. This gave me time to process my Granny’s passing, although I’m sure I’m not entirely out of the woods just yet. I’ve got my game face on, and I’m ready for the week. All we can do is move forward and be the best versions of ourselves.